So he came: Good News Bible and Contemporary English Version specify the subject as “Antiochus”; without this help the reader could understand the pronoun he to refer to Alexander (verse 2). In some languages came will be translated “went.” An alternative model for this clause is “So Antiochus and his men went.”

And tried to take the city and plunder it may be expressed as “and tried to capture the city in Elymais and take all its treasures [or, valuable objects].”

But he could not may be expanded to “but they [Antiochus and his men] didn’t succeed” or “… were not able to capture the city.”

Because his plan became known to the men of the city: The men means “the people” (Contemporary English Version) or “the citizens” (Good News Bible), so the whole clause may be rendered “because the people of the city found out what Antiochus was planning to do.”

An alternative model for this verse is:

• So Antiochus and his men went and tried to capture the city in the Elymais region and take all its treasures [or, valuable objects]. But they didn’t succeed [or, were not able to capture the city], because the citizens [or, people] found out what Antiochus was planning to do.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Maccabees. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2011. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.